I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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