Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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