He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
