I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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