come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
