bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
