there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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