i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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