Say something about gay babies.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
