the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
