laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The air taste purple.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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