I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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