you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
