the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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