I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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