you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
