Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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