dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
