i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
