how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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