not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I see more hoeing in ur future
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
