why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
