i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
