Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
