I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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