OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
