I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
