Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
