I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
