Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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