you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
