i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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