I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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