their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
