she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize