what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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