You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
