My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
