We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
