I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
