I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Small penises have feelings too.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
