It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
