naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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