Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
