I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
