Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The uberlube is also flammable
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
