I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
