He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
