so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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