Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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