Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
