ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
