I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
