Nicole vs. Life
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
there is glitter all over my balls
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
