Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
