The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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