yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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