A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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