How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
