I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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