you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it glows. i had to have it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
