the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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