I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
