So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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