I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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