They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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