Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
