I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Vodka?
Forever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
