i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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