Screwed.edu
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm bleeding and have questions
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
