We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize