If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
