you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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