Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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