I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
