we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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