Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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