can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
